drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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