ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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