Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
