I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
