so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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