I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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