Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
