Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
