i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
