I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
