i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
This baby is an asshole
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize