put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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