woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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