yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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