the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
