It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
