So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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