Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
