Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i came on her dog
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
