You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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