Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
