I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
