holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
