I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
