The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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