Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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