Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
