Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize