I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
