And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
