One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
