how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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