If i come over, it means nothing
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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