ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
