It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
