5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
