I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize