Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
