If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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