Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
