I think im going to throw up on grandma
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
