she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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