She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
