I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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