I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
