remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
