how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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