just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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