My brain says no but my pants say off.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
cat food counts as protein by the way
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
