Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
