YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
