tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
