Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
you made out with another girl for some wings
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
