Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
