I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
i need some magic done to my vagina
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
