He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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