I feel great
I just peed on a car
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
