"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
