summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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