lets start a swedish sibling band together
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
