had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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