Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
