WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
