Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
