Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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