so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
if only i could text you this smell
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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