where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
