the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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