i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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