margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
