gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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