this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
