When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
