i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize