After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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