I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
