the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
