so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
