I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
my poor anus
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
