her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I understand Curling. That high.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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