We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
