living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize