There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
