Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
