apparently the secret to your success is patron
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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